DISPATCHES FROM YAWKEY WAY

Chicago Cubs Ace ⑯ P. WISDOM – K. JAMES HENDERSON / The Mendoza Lede

Last weekend, Mendoza League Manager K. JAMES HENDERSON (⑮ M. MALDONADO, ㊹ R. TELLEZ) found himself in the "lovely" "town" of Boston, Massachusetts and gave a visit to the oldest stadium in Major League Baseball: Fenway Park.

Kent reports that the Fever Pitch filming location is both "kinda fun" and "small." He attempted to add his signature to Pesky's Pole, but revealed that the landmark is "difficult to get to."

He also observed that the troughs in Fenway's "modern" and "updated" bathrooms reminded him of the old facilities in Wrigley Field, tangentially mentioning that Boston baseball fans seemed "not as obsessed with drinking 8 beers in a game" as their Chicagoan counterparts.

That being said, it was not a great day for Chicago's National League ball club or their fans. In addition to a fan wedding proposal, the heavily lopsided scoreboard gave everyone in the stands the privilege of seeing see Mendoza Stakes batter ⑯ P. WISDOM take the mound, giving up one hit and one walk before getting one out. He grounded out in his one pinch hit at bat, ending the day with an exact .200 average for the season.

Our correspondent reported that newly minted Chicago Manager Craig Counsell "looked pissed."

DISPATCHES FROM ONTARIO

Cosmopolitan beverages (not cosmopolitans) – S. LAWSON / The Mendoza Lede

A few days later, Mendoza League Manager, S. LAWSON (⑰ C. COWSER, ⑥ J. WINKER) found herself a few miles north, and asked me if she should even bother going to a Toronto Blue Jays game with rain in the forecast.

After learning there was ZERO chance of a rainout, she attended an indoor match against The Kansas City Royals at the Rogers Centre on Monday, April 29. With no Mendoza Stakes representation in the matchup , she was given plenty of time to simply enjoy the pleasures of an international sporting event.

I, personally, have never attended a baseball game indoors, and asked our correspondent her impressions on watching America's pastime underneath a roof. Her response was that fly balls were "a little weird" but it was nice to not have to worry about the weather.

Hey nerds, like what you see? – S. LAWSON / The Mendoza Lede

Overall, she says that Toronto's ballpark is definitely a "hang out stadium".
She praised the fact that $20 (Canadian!) gets you into the Social Zone, which is perfect for people who love baseball to attend a game with someone who likes baseball for the experience. This observation was particularly interesting to me when she showed me images of the decidedly inside baseball Jumbotrons at this indoor baseball stadium.

A display that shows the proper scorecard marking after each play? Launch Angle?? Exit Velocity??? Eliminating batting average on player graphics in favor of OPS???? Jason Benetti must love that place.

Dr. Sister's biggest takeaway was that stadiums in Canada are "way better." Their entrance policy placed no limitations on bags and allowed her to walk in with her Tim Horton's hot chocolate no questions asked. While she did not get to attend on world renowned bargain that is Loonie Dog night, she did partake in the best (only) poutine she's ever had.

NEXT TIME ON THE MENDOZA LEDE

Tomorrow is Friday, and your loyal commissioner has neither a job nor shit to do, and will be attending a game at Wrigley Field with MENDOZA STAKES manager A. CARPENTER (⑲ J. VOTTO, ⑬ M. MUNCY) and his home team, the Brewers of Milwaukee.